Book Review: The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz

9 03 2011

I can’t really tell you how exactly I ended up reading a book about the most famous man in porno. I was browsing around for some ebooks on FDR for my Kindle when I found this in someone’s “Must Read Biographies” list. I was intrigued as I’ve never really read anything about the porn industry before. The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz follows the legendary Ron Jeremy and his 9 3/4″ “Equipment.”

Having done more than 1,800 adult films and slept with more than 4,000 women, I expected the book to be full of torrid stories of debauchery and excess. Given Jeremy’s penchant for comedy, I also expected to laugh my ass off.

Not really.

The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz starts out normal enough. Ron Jeremy Hyatt lays bare his life beginning with his teenage years in New York. He enraptures the reader with tales of timid sexual exploration and the glory days of the ’70s “free love” movement. Halfway through the book, I was caught up in Jeremy’s story. In addition to the roundabout manner in which he ended up in porn, the “Hedgehog” details his endless desire to be a standup comedian and to break into showbiz. The adventure had, so far, managed to keep my interest.

At this point, a photo montage broke up the middle of the book. Featuring over 20 pictures, Jeremy wanted to showcase practically every famous person he has ever met. While I understand the reasoning for this, as I possess a narcissistic streak as well, the remaining 175 pages read more like a Wikipedia article: “I did this movie. I had a role in that movie. I was cut from this movie. I met this person. I introduced these two celebrities. I opened for this band.” I am fine with someone laying out their accomplishments, but each lacked substance. When Jeremy announced Limp Bizkit, there was no amusing story about backstage antics…simply a paragraph about him doing it before moving on to another paragraph referencing how he used to hang out with Slash, followed by yet another paragraph mentioning how much Jim Carrey and Robin Williams liked him.

I will admit that the second half of the book was painful to finish. I found myself resisting the urge to skip ahead and gloss over the ridiculous amount of self-aggrandizement. Ron Jeremy claims that he likes to poke fun at himself and enjoys being an “average man” just like the rest of us. However, The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz reads more like a treatise to all those that doubted him or snubbed him in his life. Or perhaps it is just Jeremy’s way of achieving that Tom Cruise-esque celebrity status that he always pined for.

Despite its misgivings, I did enjoy the occasional nugget of Jeremy’s life. I found myself rooting for him to make his standup comedy act into something the whole world would enjoy. He seems like an honestly genuine guy that made it 90% of the way but couldn’t find the right combination of porno stardom and natural talent to complete the journey.

Rating: 4.5/10

-Chad 2


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: The Sex Lives of Cannibals

9 02 2011

At 26, Troost followed his wife to Kiribati, a tiny island nation in the South Pacific. The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific is the result of over two years living the overpopulated, underdeveloped, heavily polluted little nation. Envisioning a paradise of frolicking dolphins, deep blue lagoons and picturesque sunsets, Troost is stunned to discover just how off his imagination was.

Though the water was blue, it was routinely defecated in by the island locals. In lieu of dolphins, Troost finds thresher sharks. And though the sunsets are gorgeous, the blazing heat scorches his “freckles off.”

From the hilarious (the Kiritbati people only have “La Macarena” for music) to the retrospective (“Like many, I regard snakes as a tangible expression of evil, and I would be very pleased if evolution saw fit to attach large flags to the slinking reptiles, just so we would always know where they were.”), Troost delivers an amusing, self-deprecating and unique account of living 4,000 miles from the bustling cities of the United States.

Despite the lack of food (Troost relays this in a Forrest Gump type rendition of the myriad manners in which tuna can be cooked), Troost and his wife eventually develop a fondness for the island and its inhabitants.

I generally avoid travel books solely because it makes me sad that I may never go to the place in question and experience what the writer has experienced. However, I doubt I would ever make the sojourn to Kiribati. Troost does an excellent job in making the reader feel as though they are standing on the shoreline, eating an expired can of British corned beef, watching the non-biodegradable trash wash up on shore.

For me, the culture clash addressed in the book is what kept me interested. For instance, the islanders believe lobsters to be “dirty” and are shocked to find the i-Matangs (as Troost and his wife are referred to) addicted to them. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to spend two years without a fast food restaurant or air conditioning. I suppose that speaks volumes about the spoiled nature of Americans.

Troost has went on to write several other travel books that I plan on reading…just as soon as I get through the other 146 books on my To-Do list. Expect them sometime in 2013.

6.8/10

-Chad 2


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: I Do Not Come To You By Chance

13 01 2011

I Do Not Come To You By Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani tells the story of young Nigerian Kingsley Ibe. An engineering school graduate who can’t find a job and still lives as home with his family, Ibe becomes the central character in a story of poverty and riches in one of the most notorious African countries. Nigeria created the 419-scam and continues to profit from it to this day.

Though well educated, Kingsley laments that without connections, jobs are hard to find in the corrupt state of Nigeria. After losing his girlfriend to another man and his father to a stroke, Kingsley goes to work for his Uncle Boniface (aka Cash Daddy), who is in the business of Internet scams, otherwise known as 419s.

Nwaubani, herself a citizen of Enugu, Nigeria, paints a portrait of Kingsley Ibe as the fatherly type that simply wants to provide for his family. Having exhausted every other avenue of employment, our young protagonist slowly becomes entwined with Cash Daddy’s schemes. As his labors bear fruit (new cars, new clothes, new girls) and he can provide for his family, we see Ibe slowly begin to lose everything that meant something to him.

While not always entertaining, I Do Not Come To You By Chance is written in such a way as to keep you engrossed in the story. The voice Nwaubani gives Ibe is exceptional. I’m ashamed to admit this, but I did not even realize the writer was female until I began searching for pictures to use in this review.

As with many books about criminals, you find yourself rooting for the so-called “bad guy.” The pictured presented to the reader is one of Nigeria being a bountiful country full of human beings with religion, ethics and morality. To them, scheming $25,000 from a mugu (“fool” but often indicating a white person) is simply payback for all that has been taken from Africa. It is also intriguing just how easily people part with their money.

For instance, during a particularly successful scam in which Ibe has taken a businessman for over $100,000, Ibe becomes suspicious that the mugu might be on to him. Creating a new email account, Ibe sends a message proporting to be from a Nigerian Anti-Fraud Bureau. The mugu confirms these fears when he states to the fake organization that he has went to the FBI for help and found none. Ibe, posing as the head of this group, confirms that they have “caught” the scammers and can return all the mugu’s funds as soon as he pays a $5,000 release fee. Incredible.

I Do Not Come To You By Chance was one of those random books I just purchased for the hell of it. I had just gotten my Kindle and the book popped up on some list made by Amazon. I purchased it anyway and, though it is far outside my usual genre, I found it to be a unique view from the “other side.”

7/10

-Chad 2


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: An Inconvenient Book

14 07 2010

I suppose, before I even get into this book, that I should mention that I have been a devout Republican all my life. I don’t believe in gay marriage. I don’t believe in abortion (to an extent). I love my guns. All the steadfast tenants of being a Republican. (Full disclosure:  I did vote for Obama this year. Reasons here.)

Lately, I’ve been watching one of my buddies (Ding) post up all sorts of Facebook statuses blasting the liberal agenda and their supporters. In particular, he went off about how much vacation Obama had been taking. I argued back about the record-setting vacation George W. Bush had taken. Later on, I noticed that Ding had posted a picture of Glenn Beck’s book, Common Sense and remarked that his mother knew how to decorate exceptionally well.

I left well enough alone. I’ve always thought Glenn Beck was a moron just from watching clips of him on The Daily Show. With a sigh of resignation, I knew that I would need to read at least one of his books so I could claim I actually knew his policies and who he was. In addition, I felt that I was hopelessly out of touch with my Republican party lately and wanted to see who/what was representing us in this day and age.

I’m both appalled and happy about what Beck had to say in An Inconvenient Book. Just as you’d expect any good, right wing extremist to do, Beck begins by hitting all the hottest issues: global warming, Islam, and….porn? Yes, an entire chapter (#3) is devoted to proving that Porn = Adultery = Divorce. I won’t even get into that lunacy.

The majority of the book, in my humble opinion, was well-written. Unfortunately, Beck thinks he is funny (I assure you, he isn’t) and did his best to inject as much Jon Stewart-esque humor as possible into this book. I will admit that An Inconvenient Book is the easiest book I’ve ever read that was written by a political pundit, but he needs to leave the humor to the professionals. He dedicated an entire chapter to explaining his “Movie Date Night” thesis which essentially was a crackheaded formula for how to get laid by your wife just from watching some cheesy chick flicks. Any time Beck tried to interject his humor into the book, I felt awkward for him and it would often cause me to put the book down and come back to it later. It was that painful..

As for the legitimate topics covered, Beck isn’t the worst Republican out there (hi Anne Coulter). I actually agreed with many items he discussed. Immigration, Political Correctness, Child Molesters and Tipping were just a few of the topics I found myself shaking my head “yes” to while reading.

Unfortunately, each time I found myself beginning to like Mr. Beck, he managed to do something that completely reversed those feelings. For instance, after reading his chapter on immigration, I moved on to the Education chapter and found a quote something to this effect: “And another thing, why are there movies with subtitles? We are in AMERICA. Speak ENGLISH.” It was one of the dumbest, most ethnocentric statements I found in the entire book. This pattern would continue until I finally finished the book.

My only other complaint is the lack of sources in Beck’s book. Most Republicans I met will take his word for everything. I can already picture the statistics used in this book being thrown around in pointless debate. For instance, Beck states that the increase in the amount of coal that China will burn will send as much CO2 into the atmosphere as 3 billion Ford Expeditions driven 15,000 miles a year. If you’re a Republican, do yourself a favor and properly research all your facts, no matter where you hear them. Our party already looks like complete morons thanks to Bush, no need to add fuel to the fire.

I had also picked up Glenn Beck’s Common Sense, but I just can’t bring myself to read it. Thomas Paine wrote the original Common Sense as a call to action of the colonists against a tyrannical government. If anyone in this nation honestly thinks our government is tyrannical or that they have it BAD in any way, shape or form: Fuck. You. Hop on a jet and check out Bolivia or Ethiopia. Hell, make a stop in Russia. Don’t forget to bring your iPad.

In conclusion, I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone. I believe liberals would just laugh and shake their heads while reading it. I believe conservatives would take everything at face value. I can say this though, thanks to my recent run-ins with Republican supporters, and the travesty that was Bush’s presidency, I am finding myself less and less apt to check the “Republican” box on my voter registration form……..

-Chad 2


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , , ,
Categories : Books, Politics

Book Review: Scratch Beginnings

16 04 2010

Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25 and the Search for the American Dream is an autobiography/memoir type of book written in response to Barbara Ehrenreich’s famous work Nickel and Dimed. In Nickel and Dimed, Ehrenreich paints a bleak picture of minimum-wage America. She attempts to live on the most barest of means and fails, melodramatically so, to do. Adam Shepard, recent college graduate, decided he wanted to find out on his own if it was really possible to crawl from nothing and live the proverbial American dream.

To accomplish this, Shepard picks a large city randomly out of a hat and takes a train there. In his possession, Shepard brings only a sleeping bag, the clothes on his back and $25 in cash. No wallet, no cell phone, no college degree, nothing. His objective: Work his way out of homelessness and into a life that would give him the opportunity for success. In addition, he set a goal for himself to have $2,500 in the bank, a working car and a decent place to live after one year.

The first half of Scratch Beginnings is an excellent tale. We follow Shepard as he ends up at a local homeless shelter. For 100 pages, we watch as he struggles to find work that pays well (in one chapter, Shepard works a 12 hour day in the sun for a $45 payday), deal with his fellow homeless men and avoid the dangers of the ghetto in Charleston, South Carolina. You find yourself cheering for him as though he were a hero in a modern-day movie. It is easy to push for this fresh-faced college boy to achieve his set goal.

The second half of the book finds Shepard well ahead of his established timeline and working for good pay at a moving company. The next 100 pages simply details his many, if mundane, adventures as a mover. I ended up being sorely disappointed with this section of the book. I understand, of course, that Shepard could not have just “invented” plot-progressing stories because then the book would cease to be non-fiction.

However, I would’ve liked to see him perhaps struggle more. I can’t remember any part of Scratch Beginnings where Shepard struggles at all. Maybe it was because, subconsciously, the author knew he could always tuck tail and head back home. Of course, that isn’t something he can control. I do believe the author took every step available to cut himself off from any sort of support system.

All-in-all, Scratch Beginnings was a pretty good read and should help inspire people down on their luck in this horrid economy.

-Chad 2

Currently Reading:
The Precipice by Ben Bova

On Deck:
How The States Got Their Shapes by Mark Stein


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: Waiter Rant

4 03 2010

Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tips – Confessions of a Cynical Waiter tells the story of Steve Dublanica. A seminary dropout and laid off social worker, Dublanica began working at a restaurant known only as The Bistro. In an attempt to vent his frustrations and also an avenue to discuss what goes on in day-to-day operations, Dublanica started a blog known as www.waiterrant.net.

Having never been a waiter, I was curious as to if I would be able to relate to, or even enjoy, Waiter Rant. I was pleasantly surprised to find that, while I’ve never experienced the industry itself, the book was delightfully amusing as Dublanica illustrates his struggles working at the Lanterna Tuscan Bistro (as it was later outed) in upscale New York City.

While it would have been easy to fill the novel with nothing but stories of horrendous customers and “damaged” waiters, Dublanica does a superb job of spinning his serving into a tale of transformation. Beginning as a wide-eyed rookie, the author finds himself converted to a savvy, if not jaded, veteran after seven years of employment within the restaurant business.

Sprinkled amongst his anecdotes, Dublanica manages to address real issues such as illegal immigration, rude customers, corrupt management and waiter revenge. I’ve always considered myself a good patron when visiting restaurants, but Waiter Rant has definitely given me a different view of waiters. They are overworked, underpaid and generally treated as nothing better than servants. It was almost heartbreaking to read about their insane schedules and what they put up with on a daily basis. Yes, the money is good, but the stress of their job is unbelieveable.

Now in his 40s, Dublanica talked at length throughout the book of his dream to be a writer and leave the waiting profession. I believe he is exceptionally talented and look forward to reading more of his books. I congratulate him on being able to remove himself from an industry that doesn’t pay benefits, doesn’t offer a retirement plan and treats their employees like slaves.

Steve Dublanica

-Chad 2

Currently Reading:
Scratch Beginnings by Adam Shepard

On Deck:
A Working Stiff’s Manifesto by Iain Iverson


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: Goat, A Memoir

24 02 2010

Goat: A Memoir tells the story of Brad Land and his exceedingly depressing story of life. Described by Amazon.com as Land’s experiences with a mugging and eventual pledgeship with the Kappa Sigma fraternity at Clemson University.

The book begins with Brad and his brother Brett enjoying a party in their hometown. Brad leaves, taking two strangers who needed a ride with him. As they direct him to where they’re going, Brad winds up in the middle of nowhere. The two men beat him mercilessly and leave him to die in some backwoods farm country. Of the 224 pages, this story sucks up roughly 60 pages.

During Brad’s recovery, his brother Brett leaves for Clemson University. Brad inevitably decides he wants to go to and joins Brett a semester later. Throughout this time, Brad paints himself as a damaged, eclectic young man. I found it extremely hard to relate to his own social ineptitude and obsessive-compulsive ways (ie, he saves everything in his pockets to the extent that they bulge with what is essentially trash).

Anyway, Brad decides to join the same fraternity as his brother Brett in a vain attempt to a.) be closer to his brother and b.) be happy in life. The problem with this is that Brad has already shown us that him and his brother are very close (Brett tried to find Brad’s muggers and kill them) and his definition of “happy” is apparently making out with random bar sluts.

As the “story” progresses, Brad deals with two separate “hazing” events. One of these involves excessive drinking while the other sees our anti-hero running a gauntlet of Kappas that shove him back and forth. Being a fraternity man myself, I can tell you that these are pretty benign instances of hazing. Trust me.

Nowhere in the story does Brad discuss what Kappa stands for. He basically paints them as sadistic assholes though he never really mentions any other forms of hazing for the remainder of the book. The author also fails to accurately describe what the fraternal experience is like. He spends the majority of the book talking about how odd him and his brother are. For instance, Brett enjoys staring at the wall and driving on the highway late at night for no reason.

Brad eventually has a breakdown and drops out of the fraternity. The last 50 pages or so deal with him feeling awkward whenever he sees a Kappa brother and yearning to have finished pledgeship: “I realized that, at this point, if I’d stayed in, I would only be two weeks away from Initiation.”

I guess I should also mention that I know this review isn’t one of my best. I was basically pretty disgusted and forced myself to write something about this atrocity pretending to be a book. I’m dumbfounded how this has 4.5 stars on Amazon. Brad Land is obviously a socially mal-adjusted young man and fraternity life was never going to be for him. This memoir is a pathetic attempt at feeling self-righteous and adding unnecessary fuel to the anti-fraternity fire.

Avoid this travesty at all costs.

-Chad 2

Currently Reading:
Waiter Rant by Steve Dublanica

On Deck:
Scratch Beginnings by Adam W. Shepard


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: The Accidental Billionaires

17 02 2010

You may not have heard of Ben Mezrich, writer of The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding Of Facebook, but you know his work. Mezrich wrote the book chronicling how a few MIT students screwed over Las Vegas big time. It would eventually become a full-fledged movie titled 21 and starring Kevin Spacey.

I picked up this book on a whim. I was basically curious as to how the whole Facebook thing got off the ground in the first place. I wasn’t interested in some long-winded diatribe that would dissect social networking websites or litter graphs and tables throughout the text.

The Accidental Billionaires reads like it is straight out of a magazine. Even the subtitle, The Founding of Facebook: A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius and Betrayal sounds as though it was taken straight from the latest issue of Playboy or Maxim. Some of the reviews slam Mezrich for constructing a novel that has more of an unofficial “tabloid” feel to it rather than a well-researched biography about Mark Zuckerberg and how he founded one of the biggest websites ever to hit the ‘net.

However, Mezrich uses his foreword to state, specifically, that this book was constructed using news stories, first hand accounts and any other document he could his hands on. Therefore, it is only natural to assume that Mezrich was going to embellish, exaggerate and just plain makeup some sections of the book. I don’t fault him for that. What I do fault him for is giving this book the appearance of reality when it is, essentially, a fictional story.

Due to the amount of firsthand accounts he no doubt received, Mezrich has difficulty establishing characters in a coherent manner. You can almost tell exactly where the stories about each character change their source. In one chapter, Zuckerberg is painted as a geeky hero, the next he is a plagiarizing asshole, the next he is the man that revolutionized social networking.

The Accidental Billionaires fails as a biography and it fails as a dramatized fictional recreation. The end result is a lukewarm mixture of the two that leaves the reader bored and unable to form opinions about anything that occurred in the story. I applaud Mezrich’s earlier literature, but his story of Facebook’s beginning leaves much to be desired.

-Chad 2

Currently Reading:
The Goat: A Memoir by Brad Land

On Deck:
I Am America by Stephen Colbert


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: The Lost Symbol

10 02 2010

Dan Brown has written several books that intrigue and excite the reader. From Angels & Demons to Digital Fortress, Brown has practically concocted a genre all by itself. As a Freemason, and a fan of history itself, I was immediately drawn to Angels & Demons and The DaVinci Code. Both books have made their debut on the big screen as well as becoming bestselling novels.

Brown’s formula is simple: Take history we can relate to, combine it with some sort of clandestine endeavor and mix in some secret societies. Rinse, wash and repeat. Unfortunately, it is a formula he has used consecutively for his last three book and it is getting old–fast.

The Lost Symbol begins with our beloved protagonist, Robert Langdon, being called to Washington D.C. unexpectedly by an age-old friend that has never been mentioned in the previous books. As with the previous books, Langdon then embarks on an adventure that forces him to use all of his teaching background. In addition, Langdon is routinely painted as a moron in The Lost Symbol. For instance, conversations such as this exist throughout the book:

Someone: Have you heard of ________?
Langdon: Yes, but it is just a myth!
Someone: No, its true. *proves it*
Langdon: Oh my God! Everything makes sense now.

For a professor that is pretty much considered the leading authority on the topics discussed, I would’ve expected more. Langdon also deals, again, with his claustrophobia and gets a chance to show off his swim skills…again.

From the Freemason side of things, I wasn’t very thrilled to see that our ritual made it into the book. That part, at least, is true. However, Brown relies heavily on Freemason lore for this book, bordering on over-reliance as made-up “facts” about the Freemasons are often used as plot devices in lieu of good storytelling.

I trudged through all 500 pages of The Lost Symbol in three days. As I said before, I’m a sucker for stories based in part on real history (I even liked National Treasure). I wasn’t expecting Brown’s newest offering to be some sort of grand opus, but I also wasn’t expecting it to be a below-average adventure either. The last 100 pages or so were absolutely painful to read. I don’t want to give anything away but suffice it to say that the “big secret” at the end was one of the literary world’s oldest “twists.”

I truly hope that Brown writes another book. But in this book I’d like to see him move away from his tried-and-true method to something fresh and compelling, much as Angels & Demons was when it was first released.

-Chad 2


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , ,
Categories : Books

Book Review: Ocho Cinco

2 02 2010

“My life is good. It’s sweet, so sweet. Roll up to my place in Plantation, Florida, and that’s easy to see. Right there in the circular driveway that wraps around the fountain in my front yard you get the first taste.

Wait a second, I gotta let you in the front gate first. It’s a gated community and all. But once you’re in and riding by my huge-ass house on an acre of land, you can see what I’m saying. Parked in front are seven sweet-ass cars. One for every day of the week. I don’t like to get bored, you know?”

This is how Chad Ochocinco’s book Ocho Cinco: What Football and Life Have Thrown My Way begins.

And it doesn’t get much better the next 259 pages. I originally requested that my wife buy me this book because slowly, but surely, Chad Ochocinco (a wide receiver with the Cincinnati Bengals) has won me over as a fan. His antics on the field are legendary and I felt like it would be interesting to read more about who he was and where he came from.

What I ended up getting was a hardcover diatribe about how great Chad Ochocinco (formerly Johnson) really is. There were entire sections dedicated to how amazing he is. For instance, one chapter deals almost solely with a three game span in 2006 that Ochocinco had where he posted NFL record stats. Supposedly, underlying all of this was his frustration with losing while he was putting up such huge numbers. While I understand what he was trying to say, four paragraphs of how great you were versus one paragraph of “…but it didn’t matter because we lost…” doesn’t really get your point across. If it didn’t matter, then why ramble about it for so long.

Ochocinco also manages to create a disjointed book in that he changes gears as though you were having a conversation with him, not reading a book. For example, he can be in the middle of raving about how good he is, only to pause to ruminate on something else football related, and then transition back to the original train of thought by saying something like “Anyway, as I was saying…”

Ochocinco is an abject lesson in self-aggrandizement. I understand that he has a huge ego, but the need to gather up dozens of coaches and players around the NFL to submit articles writing about how you “can’t be covered” or how “misunderstood” you are is in poor taste. It took me, literally, a month to force my way through this book. I had to consciously stop myself from skipping ahead in a bid to finish this atrocity. Ochocinco’s book is so bad, is has disuaded me from reading any sports biography for a while. I need time to read something excellent like World War Z to get the taste of Ochocinco: What Football and Life Have Thrown My Way out of my mouth.

-Chad 2

Currently Reading
Dan Brown’s Lost Symbol


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , , , ,
Categories : Books

« Previous Entries


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.